The Bum's Dime
A Dime is Change right?
I had a friend one time tell me that I changed too much. He basically told me that my ideas were constantly in contrast with one another and that I was entirely inconsistent with what I would do and say. This conversation took place early one morning in my highschool art class, and I looked at him groggily (it was 730 am) and told him to shove it. At the time I took some offense to what he said, and rightly so, as he was not saying it in a flattering manner. No one wants to be called inconsistent, or worse yet a hypocrite, but I shrugged it off and went about my day. The comment did not boldly impact me, but it was kind of nagging at me; was I so inconsistent in what I thought, said, and did that other people saw me as a tangled mess? I never had a moment when I decided, "I am going to align my beliefs, values, and life", but on occasion I would fall into a small pool of self doubt surrounding questions of that nature. About the time that I graduated highschool I started to realize that the waters around me were deepening. I was moving from the spawning pool, about to enter the rivers and lakes, and I knew somewhere in the future was the wide, deep, open ocean. Everything was changing, including what I 'knew' and took for granted. Looking back on it now, I can see that I was not attached to any of the ideas that were floating (drowning really) in my head, I was completely an utterly confused; I was in a sort of 'value limbo'. I have grown since then, in more ways than one, and what I would like to attribute this growth too was my confusion and my ability to embrace change. When I was younger I was constantly trying to fit a mold, but I did not fit into a mold, and believe that is part of what made my life then so inconsistent. I had not come to realize how fluid life can be, and that change is one of its central aspects. Since then my mind has become a breeding ground for ideas, and they have evolved into wonderous creatures that have helped me grow and cope with change. I openly embrace change, I openly embrace confusion. I no longer fear being considered inconsistent on anything, because things change, and as Jim Morrison said in The Road House Blues, "The future's uncertain and the end is always near"
